If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.
~Meister Eckhart

Recently I was called for an interview, on the subject of gratitude. The conversation with Mandy became lively banter; an animated generative dialogue of sharing stories, experiences, and ways of gratitude. That conversation left me deep in wonder about gratitude.

I have realized that embodying gratitude is the realization of the preciousness of our human lives, where love, meaning and true happiness ultimately resides. Arriving at embodied gratitude has varied gateways, of which my favorite is appreciation. As a defined practice I appreciate regularly, and live in appreciation. This practice leads to the rich ground of gratitude.

But, as I sit in the airport waiting for my flight home after five days with my elderly parents, I recognize another gateway: grief. Witnessing my parents’ physical and mental declines, recognizing their limited time in this incarnation, I am filled with profound sweet sadness.

I am aware of impermanence, and attachments, and fears of mortality. This sadness is not about longing for something different than current reality. This sadness is a grief of the past moments which were taken for granted, intertwined with a present state of knowing these fleeting moments will soon give way to the next. In this soft, tender and raw connection, I feel grateful.

I am grateful for my parents, everything and all of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly. In my grief – assisting my mother with the holiday letter she intends to send, with her last gift of a calendar to her friends and family, being with her struggle to find the right words as I type for her, I am reminded of the many years she made the holiday family-photo cards. The final family photo we accomplished was taken while I was in high school. My two oldest siblings had conflicting college breaks and we took the photo in the middle of the night during the hour their paths crossed.

Grateful.

In my grief, I share a supplement to treat gout with my father, to help ease his discomfort. We go together in the car to do a few errands, to buy Florida Navel oranges and Ruby Red grapefruit. In earlier days, he would bound ably into the store, selecting the fruit carefully, paying particular attention to travel worthiness. He had always savored a vanilla ice cream cone at the end of bagging the bushel. Today his tired legs held him precariously, his cane a sturdy third leg. He sat, dutifully, his head down, as I carried the already bagged fruit to the counter. “No ice cream today sweetie, I’m too full from lunch,” he said.

Grateful.

The tears puddle in my eyes as my throat constricts with sorrow. Thank you for my life. Thank you for being my parents. Thank you for teaching me what you know. Thank you for doing your best. Thank you for continuing to plug along, even as your body weakens, transforming to the next stage of existence. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for generously sharing your gifts – both tangible and impalpable. Thank you for giving me life in this precious human form.

This moment of tears is how grief grows to gratitude. This flow of energy, holding the memories of our time together and the imprints of today, softens and releases. My heart grows in gratitude.

Richness resides in gratitude.
Grief is a gateway to gratitude.
Grief recognizes both loss and recaptures the lost moments taken for granted long ago.

During my visit with a childhood friend for tea one morning, I learned of the drug overdose of the adult child of a mutual old friend. Grieving her loss of a bright young man, I am grateful for the two living beings who call me Mom. I am learning:

If we feel grief all the way through, the final destination is gratitude.

So, as my mother’s cognition fails, I treasure her lucid moments of clear spunky humor and amiable banter. As my father’s legs give way and his hearing goes silent, I cherish his loving presence and genuine interest in being together. My well of grief is not running dry, but as this gateway widens, my gratitude is burning bright.

In a state of gratitude, anxiety, fear, confusion and doubt about money and finances falls away. Gratitude is financial liberation. Manifesting gratitude is our journey and destination.

Which gateway to gratitude is most inviting for you now? In this season of Thanksgiving, find your entryway to access fertile gratitude moments. Begin to recognize the ground of gratitude as the infinite space of genuine life, love and meaning.

Grieving and grateful,

Gayle