It’s Been A Year… two weddings and a funeral

There’s a movie by that name, right? Two Weddings and a Funeral? No, it’s Four Weddings and a Funeral. But still, how fascinating to live as a movie, or part of one. Perhaps that statement is more poignant and profound than meets the eye. Moving our attention deeper, down to our heart, breathing into our belly, we glimpse our life in the script of a movie. We gain a whisper of knowing that our life is, in many ways, just a scene on the screen.

When I sit down to write this monthly connection, sometimes I have a clear idea, sometimes there is an inkling of a thought, and sometimes, like today, those ideas and thoughts dissolve into just this moment.

Earlier this morning I sat quietly in sweet stillness with my journal, with my iPhone, with my colored pencils, and a short sip of espresso. (I am beginning a 5-day intermittent fast that allows for one bit of caffeine per day.) Following a thread from my junk email, I happened upon this quote from Peter Brook.

“it takes real skill to stay silent.
a large part of our excessive, unnecessary manifestations come from a terror
that if we are not somehow signaling all the time that we exist,
we will in fact no longer be there…”

Feeling deeply into the above quote, I see, feel and taste the idea of belonging and my fears of not belonging. I see a large part of excessive social media, phone calls, zoom interfacing, conversation comes from a terror that if I am not sharing, reporting, looking and responding to ….. (FB posts, emails, phone calls, the newest free course, insert your favorite) – that I see you, I feel you, I resonate with you – I will in fact no longer belong, be connected to you. Money activates these centers too. Bookmark this point.

Staying silent, being home in my heart, the realization of belonging is ever present and ever bright. But this year, with the urgency and demands of life on that screen, I confess to have lost faith and touch with being and belonging – even as the truth of connection slaps me in my face daily or each minute. Two weddings and a funeral are, in fact, my year. My father passed away in April. My niece married in June. My nephew married in November. In between those events I add … son joining our firm Colman Knight, purchase and ongoing renovation of cottage, devotion to my mother’s well-being, attention to my father’s estate affairs, a teacher’s physical decline, another teacher’s mental decline, just to name a few. My opportunities for silence, space and stillness evaporated. Or, truer, my ability to seek refuge in the real skill of staying silent is weak. My terror of not belonging reaches out, beyond “me”, to you, and others. I am reminded this way is not sustainable, ever.

Today, I wonder into these questions and invite you to do the same, if there is a spark of resonance.

What is it like to just be me?
How do my days unfold in chronic wonder?
Flexing in my totality of goodness, who am I with you? Who are we together?
How do all of the “we’s” love? Express? Create? Contribute?
What’s worth our attention? And how shall we engage action?
How does money weave with these wonderings?

Let’s begin again, and again and again.

Juicy surprises are in the works for Somatic Finance. Glimpse and savor the sections below to learn more. We will experience more funerals and more weddings. Our life is a movie. The precious part is we are the directors, writers, actors and producers. Are you producing a comedy, tragedy, drama or mystery?

A sweet and deep bow of gratitude for you and your presence here. I am connected. I belong. And so do you. Let’s choose to remember always.